Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
