That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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