He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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