I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
