I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
