I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
love makes seman taste better
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
