i think my mom watched the whole time
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
