Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
