we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
