Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
