Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
