u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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