Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
