He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize