I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
