i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
