when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
