I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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