You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
