I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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