I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
