did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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