I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
