I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Everything about him screamed your future.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
