the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish my penis had a tongue
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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