Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you mean i was at the winter classic?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
