he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
