I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
