Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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