Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
