dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
