Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
