did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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