I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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