He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
