How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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