I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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