Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's the barista slut.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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