Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
