your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize