It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
