Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
