My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
