First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize