I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize