This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
nutella sex= disaster
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
