Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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