someone threw a dead crab at me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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