So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
