She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They are going to name an STD after you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize