Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
