For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We need a shit load of segways right now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
