Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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