That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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