I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize