Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
