i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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