I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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