they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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