Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
