The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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