Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
