I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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