there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
