Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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