the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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