The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
