Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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