are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
