I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
