She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
